The affair of the culinary crab - Page 2

AussieDave@Leeman.W.A. · 13-04-08, 01:40 PM

Nice one Lez, it reminded me of an eating incident a long time ago.

I took Jan to Perth for her 17th birthday, booked a table at the Kings Park Restaurant. Now in those days that was the ducks nuts of places to eat in Perth.

We had to walk through a bit of a hanging garden to get to the door, once seated by the door man, the wine waiter approached the table & asked if we would like to see the wine menu, it was just at that time I reached across the table & tried to brush a spider web off Jans hair.

She reeled back on her chair & said "what the hell are you doing" I replied you've got a cob web in your hair, to that she came back with "well you should take me out more often" the waiter walked away smiling.

It got worse as the night went on. I had an sea blue silky shirt on with huge lapels, some thing Elvis would wear. In the middle of each table was a huge blood red candle in a golden cradle. We had an entree & in the good old days when you could smoke anywhere & got a fag out offered Jan one & trying to play the mister cool I picked up the candle & tilted it towards me to light my smoke. Well I had no idea there was about half a litre of boiling wax inside the candle, before the flame even reached my smoke my chest hairs were melting into the silk shirt with red hot red wax running down to the belt on my Levi jeans. I jumped up, pulling the shirt off my chest to try & relieve the pain only to upend the table, it was a bloody disaster.

I went to the toilet & tried to wash the wax off, but it was impossible. When I got back we had been moved to a new table(near the back door) . We did finish dinner & then went to watch a movie called Love Story, Ryan Oneal & some tart that dies of cancer (should have been rated GTP) go to pub.

After the movie I parked the old mans car outside the Parmelia Hotel & took Jan into the little cocktail bar down the stairs. I ordered an Ouzo & Coke & a Cinciano, put a five dollar note on the bar & the barman says to me "sorry sir, but that is not enough" so I put a ten dollar note on the bar & he says "you're getting close" I said listen buddy that;s all you are getting. He appeared to be happy with that & we sat & had a very "nice" conversation about the movie & the events of the evening.

As we are walking down the footpath towards the car I notice the lights are on, very dim, but they are on.
I open the door for Jan, get in & turn the key, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rr, r, bloody bloody bloody idiot.

Don't worry I'll go & phone the RAC. Race down the road, find a phone box ,ring the RAC,

"what is you're membership number"

"stuffed if I know, but I am in a serious situation at the moment"

"sorry sir there is nothing we can do without the number"

Go to yellow pages , after hours tow truck. Gday mate "I'm stuck outside the Parmelia with a flat battery"

Be there in 10 minutes, I'm just around the corner.

Bloke turns up & says "jeez mate what happened to your chest, looks like you've been stabbed" It;s a long story mate. jump starts the car, cost me $25.00

Drive all the way back to Rockingham, with a "little stopover" to give Jan her birthday present.

Pull up in the old mans car port at about 4.30am. Walking down the hall way to my bed room & he comes bolting out of his room, slaps me on the shoulder & says "great to see you up early boy, lets get the stuff together were off to Albany this morning"

Regards Aussie Dave.

Tony Harding · 13-04-08, 02:36 PM

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img]

Nice story Dave [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] . Bloody funny

Ay Lez

No Fat joke mate...just pointing out to you that your choice of food may have been reduced. You would probably have gotten used to eating live crabs by now [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img]

TH

Baldy · 13-04-08, 02:48 PM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Pull up in the old mans car port at about 4.30am. Walking down the hall way to my bed room & he comes bolting out of his room, slaps me on the shoulder & says "great to see you up early boy, lets get the stuff together were off to Albany this morning" [/b][/quote]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] That rings a few bells AD .... I'm sure we could all write a few tales about our early romantic embarrasments [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bye1.gif[/img]

Chook · 16-04-08, 11:05 AM

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumb_yello.gif[/img]

Mugs · 16-04-08, 04:07 PM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(AussieDave@Leeman.W.A. @ Apr 13 2008, 01:40 PM) [snapback]36733[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'>

She reeled back on her chair & said "what the hell are you doing" I replied you've got a cob web in your hair, to that she came back with "well you should take me out more often" the waiter walked away smiling.

Regards Aussie Dave.
[/b][/quote]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/roflmao.gif[/img]

daniel mance · 16-04-08, 04:17 PM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Baldy @ Apr 13 2008, 09:48 PM) [snapback]36735[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'>
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] That rings a few bells AD .... I'm sure we could all write a few tales about our early romantic embarrasments [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bye1.gif[/img]
[/b][/quote]

heh, my first crack was with a chick on a bean bag. Pain in the arse, bloody hard to get traction.

Baldy · 17-04-08, 02:19 AM

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img]

a romantic interlude when i was in my teens still living at home with Mum [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/huh.gif[/img]

Had my GF at the time around watching TV [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] All quiet in the house Mum had gone to bed so we started doing the deed ... next thing Mum walks past the hall and says in her 'Motherly' voice ....."Michael their is a time & a place" ........

all i could say was .... this is the time & i think i found the place ..... good night Mum

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img]

13-04-08, 02:36 PM	#12
Tony Harding Ornithologists Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,140	[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] Nice story Dave [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] . Bloody funny Ay Lez No Fat joke mate...just pointing out to you that your choice of food may have been reduced. You would probably have gotten used to eating live crabs by now [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] TH __________________ TH When I grow up I want to be a moderator

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

13-04-08, 01:40 PM	#11
AussieDave@Leeman.W.A. . Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 1,481	Nice one Lez, it reminded me of an eating incident a long time ago. I took Jan to Perth for her 17th birthday, booked a table at the Kings Park Restaurant. Now in those days that was the ducks nuts of places to eat in Perth. We had to walk through a bit of a hanging garden to get to the door, once seated by the door man, the wine waiter approached the table & asked if we would like to see the wine menu, it was just at that time I reached across the table & tried to brush a spider web off Jans hair. She reeled back on her chair & said "what the hell are you doing" I replied you've got a cob web in your hair, to that she came back with "well you should take me out more often" the waiter walked away smiling. It got worse as the night went on. I had an sea blue silky shirt on with huge lapels, some thing Elvis would wear. In the middle of each table was a huge blood red candle in a golden cradle. We had an entree & in the good old days when you could smoke anywhere & got a fag out offered Jan one & trying to play the mister cool I picked up the candle & tilted it towards me to light my smoke. Well I had no idea there was about half a litre of boiling wax inside the candle, before the flame even reached my smoke my chest hairs were melting into the silk shirt with red hot red wax running down to the belt on my Levi jeans. I jumped up, pulling the shirt off my chest to try & relieve the pain only to upend the table, it was a bloody disaster. I went to the toilet & tried to wash the wax off, but it was impossible. When I got back we had been moved to a new table(near the back door) . We did finish dinner & then went to watch a movie called Love Story, Ryan Oneal & some tart that dies of cancer (should have been rated GTP) go to pub. After the movie I parked the old mans car outside the Parmelia Hotel & took Jan into the little cocktail bar down the stairs. I ordered an Ouzo & Coke & a Cinciano, put a five dollar note on the bar & the barman says to me "sorry sir, but that is not enough" so I put a ten dollar note on the bar & he says "you're getting close" I said listen buddy that;s all you are getting. He appeared to be happy with that & we sat & had a very "nice" conversation about the movie & the events of the evening. As we are walking down the footpath towards the car I notice the lights are on, very dim, but they are on. I open the door for Jan, get in & turn the key, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rr, r, bloody bloody bloody idiot. Don't worry I'll go & phone the RAC. Race down the road, find a phone box ,ring the RAC, "what is you're membership number" "stuffed if I know, but I am in a serious situation at the moment" "sorry sir there is nothing we can do without the number" Go to yellow pages , after hours tow truck. Gday mate "I'm stuck outside the Parmelia with a flat battery" Be there in 10 minutes, I'm just around the corner. Bloke turns up & says "jeez mate what happened to your chest, looks like you've been stabbed" It;s a long story mate. jump starts the car, cost me $25.00 Drive all the way back to Rockingham, with a "little stopover" to give Jan her birthday present. Pull up in the old mans car port at about 4.30am. Walking down the hall way to my bed room & he comes bolting out of his room, slaps me on the shoulder & says "great to see you up early boy, lets get the stuff together were off to Albany this morning" Regards Aussie Dave.

13-04-08, 02:48 PM	#13
Baldy Ornithologists Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 1,029	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Pull up in the old mans car port at about 4.30am. Walking down the hall way to my bed room & he comes bolting out of his room, slaps me on the shoulder & says "great to see you up early boy, lets get the stuff together were off to Albany this morning" [/b][/quote] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] That rings a few bells AD .... I'm sure we could all write a few tales about our early romantic embarrasments [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bye1.gif[/img]

16-04-08, 11:05 AM	#14
Chook Ornithologists Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 910	[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumb_yello.gif[/img]

16-04-08, 04:07 PM	#15
Mugs Administrator Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 6,325	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(AussieDave@Leeman.W.A. @ Apr 13 2008, 01:40 PM) [snapback]36733[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'> She reeled back on her chair & said "what the hell are you doing" I replied you've got a cob web in your hair, to that she came back with "well you should take me out more often" the waiter walked away smiling. Regards Aussie Dave. [/b][/quote] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/roflmao.gif[/img]

16-04-08, 04:17 PM	#16
daniel mance King Prawn Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 79	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Baldy @ Apr 13 2008, 09:48 PM) [snapback]36735[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'> [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] That rings a few bells AD .... I'm sure we could all write a few tales about our early romantic embarrasments [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bye1.gif[/img] [/b][/quote] heh, my first crack was with a chick on a bean bag. Pain in the arse, bloody hard to get traction.

17-04-08, 02:19 AM	#17
Baldy Ornithologists Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 1,029	[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] a romantic interlude when i was in my teens still living at home with Mum [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/huh.gif[/img] Had my GF at the time around watching TV [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin2.gif[/img] All quiet in the house Mum had gone to bed so we started doing the deed ... next thing Mum walks past the hall and says in her 'Motherly' voice ....."Michael their is a time & a place" ........ all i could say was .... this is the time & i think i found the place ..... good night Mum [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol_2.gif[/img]